I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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