I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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