Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I touched a dick in church today
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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