ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
