I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
