There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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