hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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