Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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