bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
