My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
