Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
