Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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