when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
