I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
