I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
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Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
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I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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