My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
