im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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