yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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