I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
