I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
