We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
