your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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