dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
