I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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