Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
