Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
