It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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