ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
