A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
