Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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