I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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