What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
