I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You were trust falling into bushes
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
