he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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