I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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