I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
