Don't you send me to vm
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
