saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
