I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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