I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
