After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
