everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
