Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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