First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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