i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
vagina is talking i cant
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
