I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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