Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
