he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
