shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize