I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
