Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
