she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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