Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
