I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
