Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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