Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
