just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
