I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
