I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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