Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
