apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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