He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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