tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
