goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
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She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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