I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
