And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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