i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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