I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
