I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
