I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
