the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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