I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
