Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
