dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
