My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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